Family psychologist Zelenograd BUT. Gudov, on one of her social pages, conducted a survey among 15 thousand women from 43 countries of the world. The goal was to identify the three most important problems of a modern woman. As a result:
- in the first place was the need to combine a professional career with family life (83%),
- on the second - achieving independence in financial matters (55%),
- on the third - a stable relationship with a loved one (37%).
Next came concern for the health of the family., perfect appearance, desire to play a big role in professional life, lack of time "for yourself".
Remember, in childhood, the future seemed to us simple and confident: interesting life, favorite work, favourite (mutually!) Man, happy children - everything is natural, so and only so! No deviations or compromises. But time has passed. What changed?
Olga, 27 years old. Graduated from a prestigious English school, was fond of alternative music, dreamed of a family with two children, a large stylistic apartment in the city center, a career as a bank director. But after school I did not get the necessary points in the national economy, went to the economic department of a technological college in one of the regional centers, where did mom and dad live. After graduation, she worked as an accountant in the city car fleet of the same regional center, in the car shop, in stock. Still lives with his parents, who delightfully criticize every new boyfriend, and there are fewer and fewer applicants. Now he is looking for a better job and does not see a way to create a family.
Veronica, 25. Has always been the center of attention, the best student, danced, sang, painted, but she looked the envy of everyone. She dreamed of becoming a world famous designer. But fell in love and got married in 18 years old. Gave birth to a daughter. Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology by correspondence. Now works as a salesman in a cosmetics store, because it is located on the road from home to kindergarten, to which the daughter was given. Does not dream of a future career, after all, you need to help your husband to self-actualize: he is rarely at home, often changes jobs, wife is the only stabilizing factor in his life.
Tanya, 26. Through a big competition I made it to the law faculty. From the first year she became an activist of one of the public organizations, and after a while fought for leadership in it. Sincerity, integrity and consistency were her main qualities. Promising job offers poured in from everyone, with whom did she make contact. I did everything and every day more and more dreamed of a family. First, who offered, besides the heart, also a hand, soon received a beautiful wife and son as a gift. But it turned out, that the young father has a rather conservative attitude towards the social unit. He makes a career and makes money, and the wife runs the house, brings up a son and demonstrates family idyll at meetings with his colleagues. She left the organization first., then I almost flew out of the university, was left for a year alone with a sick child in an apartment on the outskirts of the city, while my husband was reaching another advancement in his career outside the country.
Marina, 30. Graduated with honors from the Faculty of Applied Mathematics, but he considers his fame in the highest political circles to be his main achievement. She has a good chance of gaining a foothold in the leadership., especially since in this way she will be able to help even more people, who believe in her. She is a promising politician and is married. But few people know her husband, and she doesn't see him often. Their feelings are still strong, they dream of having three children and a Labrador one day, buy a house by the lake. But the next eight years have already been planned, party colleagues won't understand, if on the eve of local elections she goes "on maternity", and then parliamentary, presidential …
Interesting, at what age do we start to agree, that adulthood will not be like childhood dreams, what to choose and what to leave?
Scenario, what developed in childhood, of course, requires adjustment. It is not always possible to achieve the goal the first time., but that's why a person doesn't live, like butterflies, one day, to try again and again.
Sometimes stereotypes get in the way, fears of losing something, what have you:
- guaranteed earnings in government agencies,
- life with mom, who takes care of everything,
- calmness and predictability.
But (sorry, if i tell you about it first) Santa Claus is a fairy tale, guaranteed income is a myth, parents, Unfortunately, not eternal, and from calmness they grow dull and dim.
"Get your child - you will be smarter", - this is how many older women react to the activity of young: And why, as a matter of fact? Does a mother woman suddenly stop worrying about, that the country's economy has fallen, rivers dry up, and the quality of education is deteriorating? Not. Those problems, with which the girl fought, get even closer, as in this unsettled world her child is growing.
When men, with so much effort, have not solved all the problems of civilization, where are the guarantees, that they will cope with them someday without our help?
In the twenty-first century, the division of spheres of influence on the principle of "woman - home (or a rented apartment), for men - everything else ", looks naive and ridiculous, like sandals as shoes.
So, a man cannot give birth to a child, it's a woman's mission. But who proved, that he is not good for everything else? I think, what perception, as exclusively female affairs, raising a child, cooking food, apartment finishes, washing clothes is a manifestation of female selfishness. A man can and wants to take part in solving everyday problems, but at first the woman-mother does not admit him to this, then the stereotypes are reinforced by the woman-wife. As a result, she is the heroine of the fight near the stove and cradle., Knight of the Order of the Rag, and he is an eternal squire, guilty of, what could she, yes I didn't.
Responsibilities and problems can and should be shared, to share then joys and victories. And if you got a man, who wants and can only sleep and eat at home - get a divorce, and next time be careful!
So let's think, how to cope with family and career, I really want to be the best everywhere. by the way, modern research shows, that this combination teaches self-organization and discipline, makes full use of every minute and does not let you forget about true values, contains a sense of reality.
Start with a good plan.. Try to clearly define and imagine, what, eventually, you want to achieve. You shouldn't dwell on the salary in 800 bucks, a school principal or the successful completion of high school. Such goals can be intermediate, because you, over time, you will certainly be able to achieve them simply by working, in the relevant industry, effortlessly, and time and energy still remain.
Try to think bigger. What is not the goal - to head the representation of the International Monetary Fund or the Commission on National Security in Parliament, or become a woman president, or help your child win the World Mathematical Olympiad?
After defining the goal, we move on to the tasks.: improve English, buy a computer and master the latest inventions of programmers, impose useful contacts, undergo an internship abroad ... The more specific tasks, necessary to achieve the goal, will be delivered, the closer the goal gets. In addition to tasks, directly related to the goal, there may be accompanying, eg, learn to relax and relieve stress, workout (health contributes to everything).
Then you can proceed to the actual planning.. This is very similar to a business plan or strategic planning.. Describe your tasks and steps to solve them for the next day, week, month, year, decade, life. Be sure to think over a mechanism for monitoring the implementation of the points of the plan., indicate in brackets, how will you celebrate each success after achieving it. Don't convince yourself at the end of the month, that the discrepancy between the result and the planned one suits you, lying to yourself is the last thing. It is important to anticipate and identify factors, who can help you today or in the future, formulate possible problems.
This kind of work takes time.. The best thing is to run away from everyday life for at least a day and write down your program of success. (you can go to the dacha, sit in the reading room or in the botanical garden, or maybe - near the place of future work).
Extremely significant, so that your loved ones support you. Talk to your husband, explain to him, how important it is. You need him as a companion, not an opponent. Do not forget, that you are going to build a successful career and a happy family, and there is no family without a husband. If you do not find mutual understanding, will have to find a compromise again and put up with sacrifices. So prepare properly for your speech - it should be your first victory.. Support from friends and parents also does not hurt., but look at the circumstances.
I do not recommend postponing the implementation until Monday, although when is monday today, - forward!
